it’s seven short answers to seven short questions. here we go…

1. should i give my rude internship managers a reality check?

i’ve been interning at an nonprofit for over three months now. i have three months left in my agreement, but i’ve decided to end my internship. i have two bosses, one an executive director and the other the associate director. the executive director has yelled at me, badmouthed my writing, and brought up past mistakes when i express feelings of confidence in my work. the associate director is much of the same; she is vindictive and gives vague instructions and then always blames me for not following through exactly as she feels she expressed. all great reasons for me to move on.

however, i know that when i leave they are going to just hire another intern. this person could be far more vulnerable than me, and the next person and the next. my question is, should i inform the directors exactly why i’m leaving so that they have the knowledge and can at least try to do better? or should i merely say that it wasn’t a good match? i don’t want to burn bridges, but they took advantage of me and i feel i should speak up.

i’d love to tell you to share your feedback because otherwise they won’t know there’s a problem, but (a) if they’re really that vindictive, it’s unlikely they’ll change anything as a result, and (b) it’s likely that you’ll just sour the relationship (which you might not care about at this point, of course, but you never know when you’ll run into people again). this type of feedback usually has the most impact when (a) it goes to someone truly open to hearing it and/or to someone in a position of authority over the person being complained about, and (b) it comes from someone with a lot of credibility and/or value to the organization. unfortunately, as an intern (and a three-month intern, at that), you’re probably not going to have a lot of sway.

that said, there’s a polite way to convey a little of this. you could say, for example, that you felt their expectations weren’t well-matched with an intern’s experience level, and that it was tough for you to face such regular criticism when part of the point of an internship is learn the things you were being criticized for not knowing. you’d want to say this in a tone of “this was tough for me,” rather than “you are a jerk” (even though you might secretly mean the latter).

2. how much hanging out with coworkers is appropriate outside of work?

what is appropriate when it comes to hanging out with coworkers after business hours? my husband works in the medical field, three men and about 15 women. i find the lack of boundaries from these people appalling (sharing their sex lives, affairs, etc.). they also get together outside of work. this weekend they will be hosting a poker party, including drinking. there are pictures of them at bars on the staff bulletin board. we have been invited to join, but i have told my husband i am not comfortable. he thinks there is nothing wrong with this picture. from a management view, i feel he should avoid being associated with this.

some workplaces have cultures like this and some don’t. your husband’s apparently does. it’s not unusual for coworkers to have drinks together outside of work, although the discussion of their sex lives is potentially problematic, because if someone is uncomfortable with it (and they won’t necessarily know that someone is), that can create harassment issues if it goes far enough. but aside from the sex life discussions, it sounds like this is simply a group of coworkers who enjoy socializing with each other, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. your husband will need to decide if he’s interested in being part of this element of the culture or not. (however, if he’s a manager, he absolutely needs to preserve professional boundaries. in that case, he could still go to the occasional happy hour but should leave after a drink or two, and definitely shouldn’t be discussing sex with any of them.)

3. sending condolences for a former manager’s death

i recently learned that my first “real” boss died a few months ago, quite suddenly and with no warning. this is a complete shock to me, as she always seemed happy and healthy and i learned some good worklife lessons from her as a graduate and i was recently intending to get back in touch on linkedin.

some of my ex-colleagues were very close friends with her and were quite a close-knit team. is it a bad idea to send my condolences so many months after? i don’t want to upset anyone further, i just want to express my shock and sadness. is there a typically professional/ethical thing to do in this sort of situation?

you should absolutely write to them and share your condolences! too often, people worry it’s too late to express sympathy when someone dies, but it’s pretty much never too late. (my father died 12 years ago, and i’m still always grateful when someone expresses sympathy — and excited when someone wants to talk about him/share stories/etc.) one of the worst parts about having someone close to you die is that you don’t get any more of them — and talking about them (whether it’s just acknowledging the death or talking about your memories of them) is a way to still feel them in your life. most people really appreciate that. (and yes, i know i just gave you a personal answer more than a professional one, but i don’t think there’s much difference when it comes to death.)

4. should i offer references if an employer doesn’t request them?

should i offer my references to the interviewer if they did not ask for them? such as at the end of the interview? or if i forget to ask at the interview, should i offer to send them a list of my references in the thank-you email i send them that night? i feel that my references might boost their confidence in considering me, but i also heard that offering it without being asked sounds too desperate.

there’s nothing wrong with offering references if you haven’t been asked for them, and no sane hiring manager will think it looks desperate. that said, if an employer wants to check references, they’re going to ask you for them at some point, and they’re certainly not going penalize you for not proactively offering some — so there’s nothing wrong with waiting until they request them.

5. explaining to my manager why i need a tool box

i have to give 5 reasons to the manager why i need a tool box. now all of my tools are in 2 different file cabinets and i can’t find anything.

five reasons? your manager sounds like the tool here. say, “i’ll give you one big reason: my job requires that i keep track of my tools and have easy access to them.”

6. listing moocs on your resume

what’s your opinion on listing moocs (massively open online courses, like those found on coursera or edx) on a resume? i’ve come across advice that says you should list them because it shows initiative and interest, but i’ve also read that it looks naive to list them under education and might even hurt your resume since they are not comparable with a regular college education and have no human interaction component.

i’m taking a few courses out of general interest as they sometimes relate to my field, but i have no delusions about them being comparable to a full-time university education. i already have a degree, i just like learning! i will say, however, that i think a lot of people have the wrong idea about moocs. in a week i usually have 1 hour of video lecture material, the equivalent of 1 chapter of a textbook to read, 2 hours of posting on forums and interacting with classmates and professors, and a quiz or essay. while the course is open to everyone, you do need to achieve a 70% grade overall to pass. harvard it is not, but it does require some effort.

it has always been my thinking that if you take the courses at face value and not pretend they are anything more than they are, then there’s no harm in adding them. but will recruiters and hr people react negatively to them, like i’m somehow trying to pass this off as higher education?

i wouldn’t list them if (a) your education section is already long-ish or (b) they’re not remotely related to the field you’re seeking work in. but otherwise, i say go ahead and list them. just don’t give them more prominence or emphasis than your degrees.

7. how far back should your resume go?

i am 49 years old and looking for a new position. i have 20 years of middle to senior management experience on my resume. i eliminated the entry level positions that won’t make much difference. is this appropriate? should i eliminate more jobs when just sending through the internet or email and elaborate on earlier positions if i get an interview?

i work in fundraising/communications/nonprofit where experience is usually an asset. but i am also getting a sense of age discrimination (even though it is illegal, it happens) and i am a very youthful, positive, athletic and fit yogi/ instructor in training (as a hobby now and for my retirement career). at this age benchmark, what should we be adding or eliminating to get our foot in the door with a first interview? how much experience is too much? 20 years? 15? 10?

generally your resume should go 15-20 years back. if you had lots of jobs during that time, maybe only 15. if you only had a couple of jobs during that time, go to 20 years. the early stuff really isn’t relevant after a certain point (and you probably won’t even get asked about early jobs in interviews, whether they’re on your resume or not). interviewers mainly care about what you’ve done in more recent years.